It’s been nearly a month since Mother passed away. I’ve been trying to deal with her death as best as I can, but I’ve been feeling slightly off balance for most of the past four weeks.
My mind has trouble dealing with tenses as they relate to my mother. I don’t have trouble accepting the reality of her death, rather I have trouble because my mind hasn’t caught up.
So much reminds me that my mother isn’t around. Simple, everyday things like seeing dish towels or silverware reminds me how she would buy those things for me because she recognized that Maria and I just didn’t notice that we needed new towels or silverware. I think of her when I have a question that I know she can answer. I think of her when I start or complete a remodeling project and want to show her so I can hear what she thinks.
Every time I think of her in that way, that thought is quickly followed by a realization that she’s gone and I won’t see her for awhile. I’m not sure I ever want to lose my desire to share the important and not so important events in my life with her. I guess that right now, I’m glad that so many things do remind me of her, how much she loved me and how important she is to me.
